1
00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:04,796
It seems today
that all you see

2
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:08,425
Is violence in movies
and sex on TV

3
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:11,720
But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:14,556
On which we used to rely?

5
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:18,018
Lucky there's a Family Guy

6
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:21,605
Lucky there's a man who
positively can do

7
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,232
All the things
that make us

8
00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:24,691
Laugh and cry

9
00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:29,988
He's... a...
Fam...ily... Guy

10
00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:35,661
MAN ON TV:
We now return to JAG.

11
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:38,080
Harm, I found that
evidence we need.

12
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:40,958
Now we can finally clear
that Chief Petty Officer of all charges.

13
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,292
Oh, what's the point?

14
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:43,585
Does anybody even
watch this show?

15
00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:45,587
Well, yeah, old people.

16
00:00:45,671 --> 00:00:47,506
I mean, they--they--they don't
really pay attention.

17
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,258
They--they just like
the noise and the company.

18
00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:50,759
Hey, how you doing?

19
00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:52,845
How's that hip doing there?

20
00:00:53,637 --> 00:00:55,264
Remember the '40s?

21
00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:56,515
(doorbell rings)

22
00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:00,894
Hey, everybody.

23
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,563
I'm just here to
let y'all know that

24
00:01:02,646 --> 00:01:05,107
movie night's been
moved to Joe's place.

25
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:07,401
What? But we--we always
do it here.

26
00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:09,611
Movie night at
the Griffin house is a tradition.

27
00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:13,323
Yeah, but Joe just
finished putting in his new home theater.

28
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,659
It's gonna be tight, y'all.

29
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:21,123
Oh, my God,
Joe, how did you do this?

30
00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:24,459
I built it myself with supplies
I got at the Home Supply downtown.

31
00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:27,796
Hey, between you and me, I think Joe's got
a little free time these days.

32
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,132
I hear he hasn't
touched Bonnie in months.

33
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:32,176
Peter, you just
whispered that to me.

34
00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:33,468
Shh. Here he is.

35
00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:35,679
Joe, what a great job
you've done here.

36
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,723
All right,
let's get this started.

37
00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:43,437
WOMAN: Thank you for choosing
Joe Swanson Theaters.

38
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:05,334
Rocky, please don't go to Mars
and fight the Martian.

39
00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:07,085
I got to do
what I got to do.

40
00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:09,004
But there's no oxygen
on Mars.

41
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:11,924
Yeah? That means
there's no oxygen for him, either.

42
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:14,301
That Martian wants a fight,
he'll get a fight.

43
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:17,638
You can't win, Rock!
You're 60 years old!

44
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:20,098
Hey, look what Rocky
bought me with his money.

45
00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:25,395
Freaking Joe with
his home theater.

46
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,064
Has to top everything I do.

47
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,316
Well, tomorrow
I'm gonna go to that Home Supply

48
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,401
and I'm gonna build
an entire multiplex.

49
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:34,530
Well, let's just hope it looks better
than that balcony you built.

50
00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:37,366
Boy, that was a great episode
of Lost. Wasn't it, fellas?

51
00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:39,117
Well, at least the show's
got the right name.

52
00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:40,786
Yeah, I couldn't follow
any of it.

53
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:42,538
(both laughing)

54
00:02:42,621 --> 00:02:44,831
(laughs) They don't care
for most things.

55
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:52,965
-Can I help you?
-Yeah.

56
00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:54,049
Uh, I hate my neighbor,

57
00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:56,093
and I want to build something
crazy out of spite.

58
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,262
Well, I'll take you
to our one-upsmanship aisle.

59
00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:00,347
Man,
this place has everything.

60
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,516
I bet you can even get
one of those gay mailboxes.

61
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:05,352
Hello, hello! Right here.
Yeah, just right here.

62
00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:06,562
Just go ahead and
put that right in here.

63
00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:08,313
Yeah. (imitates
eating noises) Gulp.

64
00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:09,398
(laughs) Just kidding.

65
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:10,607
Uh, pardon me.

66
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,401
I just bought
a rottweiler and I need

67
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:14,570
a sign to warn people
how dangerous it is.

68
00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:16,071
Well, we have exactly what--

69
00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:18,824
Ah, yes,
here it is, "One way."

70
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:21,577
So people will know
if they step into my yard,

71
00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:23,996
there's only one way out.

72
00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:27,207
In a body bag
from dog injuries.

73
00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:28,792
Good day, ma'am.

74
00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:32,421
This'll teach Joe to
steal my movie night.

75
00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:34,631
I'm gonna have my own
multiplex theater.

76
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:37,426
I haven't been this excited
since I learned how to speak Braille.

77
00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:40,429
Hey,
bump, bump, no bump, bump,

78
00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,556
three vertical bumps,
four bumps and a square.

79
00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:43,724
(laughing)

80
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,559
Yeah, I've heard
they all look alike.

81
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:50,522
Hey, look what I found.

82
00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:52,941
Wow, authentic
Native American remains.

83
00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:54,610
Peter, I'd put that
back if I were you.

84
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:56,612
You may be disturbing
a sacred burial site.

85
00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:58,238
Hey, look,
it's Robin Williams.

86
00:03:58,322 --> 00:03:59,406
Blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah.

87
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,657
Black preacher voice.

88
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,076
Blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah. Gay Elmer Fudd.

89
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,745
(laughing)

90
00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:07,748
The more you hear it,
the funnier it gets.

91
00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:13,670
Want some more peas,
Chief Diamond Phillips?

92
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,797
Peter, I really think you should
put that back where you found it.

93
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,174
You know, Brian,
I really don't think

94
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,425
you should
breast-feed the skull.

95
00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:19,510
Uh, I'm not
breast-feeding.

96
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:20,886
All right, fine.
God, you're pushy.

97
00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:23,430
-Suck, suck, suck, suck, suck.
-Oh. Hey, hey!

98
00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:25,390
-Oh, God, cut it out!
-So many nipples. Suck, suck, suck.

99
00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:27,017
-Knock it off!
-Oh, I'm Brian. I'm having sustenance.

100
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,727
-What's wrong with you?
-Look at me, everybody.

101
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:31,063
I'm breast-feeding in public
even though it's wrong.

102
00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:35,150
MAN ON TV: And now
back to 1943's...

103
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,612
Well, isn't this
a fine song and dance?

104
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:39,988
-What are you getting so hot about?
-Keep your shirt on.

105
00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:41,406
Where do you get off
making remarks like that?

106
00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:42,491
Supposing I say
you're a lunkhead?

107
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:43,992
Well, I ain't much
for supposing.

108
00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:45,619
-Well, supposing you were?
-Well, maybe I'm through supposing

109
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:46,995
-and I fix to start figuring.
-Ah, horseradish.

110
00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:48,664
Well, aren't you
a pocketful of firecrackers?

111
00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:50,040
Oh, yeah?
You got something to say about it?

112
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,124
I'll say plenty.

113
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,960
I can't wait to
see the expression

114
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:55,045
on Joe's legs when
I open my multiplex.

115
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:58,340
I have to say I'm a little concerned
about the zoning for--

116
00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:00,676
Peter, are you peeing
in that skull?

117
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,511
No, Lois,
I'm getting up and walking

118
00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:05,180
all the way to the bathroom
and doing it there.

119
00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:06,682
Pain in the ass.

120
00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:11,645
(The Star-Spangled Banner
playing on TV)

121
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,577
This concludes
our broadcast day.

122
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,370
The only time of the day
I get to try out

123
00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:30,372
my Fred Schneider
B-52's voice.

124
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:34,376
(mimicking Fred Schneider)
Now try to get some sleep out there.

125
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,879
Not bad. Getting better.

126
00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:39,548
(static buzzing)

127
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:57,733
Yeah.

128
00:05:57,816 --> 00:05:59,818
Uh-huh.

129
00:05:59,902 --> 00:06:02,070
I don't know.

130
00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:03,947
I don't know.

131
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:05,824
Oh, you didn't see it?

132
00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:07,409
Uh, Ross and Rachel
got back together.

133
00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:08,744
It wasn't that great.

134
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,663
(whispering voices)

135
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:29,473
Holy crap!
What the hell was that?

136
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,808
Stewie, what are you doing?

137
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,936
They're here.

138
00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:35,020
Who's here?

139
00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:36,355
The TV people.

140
00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:38,899
What? No, they did a spin-off.

141
00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:43,028
Um, he's still playing Joey,
but, uh, it's not doing so well.

142
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:57,626
Uh, Lois, have you noticed
some spooky things going on

143
00:06:57,709 --> 00:06:59,628
ever since Peter
brought that skull into the house?

144
00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:01,588
No.
What are you talking about?

145
00:07:01,672 --> 00:07:03,924
Well, like the whole
business last night with the TV.

146
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:06,134
I'm just saying,
maybe we have a poltergeist.

147
00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:09,096
Brian, there's no
such thing as ghosts. It's all just--

148
00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:10,848
(gasping)

149
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:14,184
Oh, I must have accidentally stacked
all those things upside down

150
00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:15,811
and then just forgot about it.

151
00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,646
Yeah, that's probably
what happened.

152
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:19,523
Huh. I haven't seen
this much denial

153
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,817
since John Travolta
married Kelly Preston.

154
00:07:21,984 --> 00:07:23,902
John, do you take Kelly
to be your wife?

155
00:07:23,986 --> 00:07:27,197
I totally do. I mean,
yeah, yes. Absolutely.

156
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:30,659
And I-I'm going to do
stuff to her, too, like, touch her.

157
00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:34,162
Yeah, touch her
and, uh, kiss her

158
00:07:34,246 --> 00:07:35,622
and touch her penis.

159
00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,833
I mean, no, not that.
Not that.

160
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:44,339
Okay, okay, try to think
of a happy place to be.

161
00:07:44,423 --> 00:07:45,674
Happy place. Uh...

162
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:48,635
Okay, okay,
I'm on MTV's Jackass.

163
00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:50,220
Hey, I'm Stewie Griffin,

164
00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:53,599
and I'm going to be kicking
my dad's ass all day today.

165
00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:57,102
(groaning)

166
00:07:57,186 --> 00:08:00,355
What the hell?
Stewie, stop, stop!

167
00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:03,192
Ah! Knock it off!
Knock it--Ah! Ah!

168
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:05,152
Come on!

169
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:07,446
Come on, Stewie.

170
00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:10,657
You're acting
crazy out there, man.

171
00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:11,783
(sighing)

172
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:13,994
(screaming)

173
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,246
No!

174
00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:21,168
I haven't seen anything suck this much
since I Heart Huckabees.

175
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:41,480
(laughing)

176
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:42,814
Propane.

177
00:08:42,898 --> 00:08:45,025
I wish that
scary-looking clown

178
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:47,486
at the end of my bed
would go away.

179
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:51,698
(screaming)

180
00:08:57,412 --> 00:09:01,583
Hey, skinny britches.
That there is my man.

181
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:04,670
Why don't you pick on someone
your own size?

182
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:10,384
You shall not pass.

183
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:45,252
Stewie? Oh, my God, Stewie,
honey, where are you?

184
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:46,962
Peter,
I can't find him anywhere.

185
00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:48,505
STEWIE: (distorted) Mommy?

186
00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:50,966
(gasps) Stewie?
Where are you?

187
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,843
STEWIE:
Look behind you, you stupid cow!

188
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,219
Stewie?

189
00:09:54,303 --> 00:09:56,555
Oh, my God!
What's happening?

190
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:59,099
Oh, wait, hold on a second.
I want to try something.

191
00:09:59,183 --> 00:10:01,852
I remember

192
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:05,564
I remember the worry,
worry

193
00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:08,233
How could I ever forget

194
00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:10,611
The hurt doesn't show

195
00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:13,655
But the pain still grows

196
00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:16,742
No stranger to you and me

197
00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,744
(imitating drums)

198
00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:24,082
Thank you for coming.

199
00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:26,084
We've never hired
a spiritual medium before,

200
00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:28,420
but I'll do anything
to get my baby back.

201
00:10:28,504 --> 00:10:30,547
You know, Peter, we wouldn't have
to be messing around with ghosts

202
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,883
if you hadn't desecrated
those Indian remains.

203
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,301
Probably a bad time
to mention

204
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,261
I'm wearing the skull
as an athletic cup.

205
00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:39,097
Okay,
let's talk to some spirits.

206
00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:41,517
Hey, how y'all ghosts doing?

207
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,436
Y'all got a little friend of ours
named Stewart up there.

208
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,606
We was just wondering
if you could send him back.

209
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,107
Uh-huh.

210
00:10:49,191 --> 00:10:50,901
Well, yes, but I...

211
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:54,321
Well, I don't see how
that's anybody's business but my own.

212
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:55,989
Well,
how about you and my father

213
00:10:56,073 --> 00:10:57,866
go and hang out
at the gun range

214
00:10:57,950 --> 00:10:59,326
some afternoon
and you can spend

215
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,495
the whole day just
agreeing with each other.

216
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:03,830
What are they saying?
Is my baby all right?

217
00:11:03,914 --> 00:11:05,791
They said that
your baby had entered

218
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,793
their world through
the closet upstairs,

219
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:11,129
and that the exit is...
Well, I don't know how else to say this,

220
00:11:11,213 --> 00:11:13,507
but the exit is
your daughter's bum.

221
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,175
Meg's ass!

222
00:11:18,804 --> 00:11:20,472
You ready down there?

223
00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:21,682
Okay, Meg,
if this works,

224
00:11:21,765 --> 00:11:24,059
then we might
just have a chance at getting Stewie back.

225
00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:25,352
-Are you ready?
-No.

226
00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:26,478
Ready!

227
00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:27,604
Okay, here we go.

228
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:30,983
Got it!

229
00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:32,985
Cool! Ass ball!

230
00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:34,319
Peter, it worked!

231
00:11:34,403 --> 00:11:36,530
We found the portal
to the other side.

232
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,409
Peter, what the hell
are you doing up there?

233
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:42,452
We're gonna get
those terrorists.

234
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:44,371
Now watch this drive.

235
00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:46,498
(both screaming)

236
00:11:46,582 --> 00:11:51,044
Stewie? Stewie, if you can hear me,
head for Meg's butt!

237
00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:52,921
STEWIE: (distorted)
Have you lost your mind?

238
00:11:53,005 --> 00:11:54,715
PETER: Hey, Lois,
get ready to laugh.

239
00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:56,925
Get ready to laugh.

240
00:11:57,009 --> 00:11:59,845
Gee, must've taken
a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

241
00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:01,054
(laughing)

242
00:12:05,434 --> 00:12:07,853
(whispering) Are you sure
Stewie can find his way out?

243
00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:10,147
(whispering) We just got to
be patient, Lois.

244
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,774
Like waiting on
the results of a blood test.

245
00:12:12,858 --> 00:12:15,444
A real important
blood test.

246
00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:18,530
(whispering) Will I ever see
my baby brother again?

247
00:12:18,614 --> 00:12:22,034
Only if he can find his way
into the light, Chris.

248
00:12:22,117 --> 00:12:24,494
For some people,
it's easier than others.

249
00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:27,581
Some people just get lost
on the way to the light.

250
00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:29,958
They're walking along,
they stop and say,

251
00:12:30,042 --> 00:12:32,294
"Oh, is that
a new restaurant?

252
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:34,004
"That place
must've just opened up

253
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:37,633
"'cause I remember there was
another place there a few weeks ago.

254
00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:41,553
"I went in there once and there was a guy
with a harelip eating soup,

255
00:12:41,637 --> 00:12:43,555
"and I was like ew!

256
00:12:43,639 --> 00:12:46,308
"It wasn't the
restaurant's fault, I know.

257
00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:48,685
"But I still
never went back there.

258
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:51,897
"I mean, I guess
there's only, like, a 1 in 50 chance

259
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:54,816
"of me getting the same spoon
that he had,

260
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:57,027
but I still
don't like them odds."

261
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,154
(thunder rumbling)

262
00:12:59,238 --> 00:13:01,406
Oh,
I can't bear this anymore!

263
00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:04,076
If Stewie can't find
his way out of Meg's ass,

264
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:07,079
we have to enter
the other realm and get him ourselves.

265
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:09,081
Lois,
I told you it ain't safe.

266
00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:10,249
I'll tell you
what's not safe.

267
00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:12,084
Going hunting
with Dick Cheney.

268
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:14,002
So,
you all set to go hunting?

269
00:13:20,342 --> 00:13:22,427
Sorry,
I thought you were a deer.

270
00:13:24,513 --> 00:13:25,764
Be careful, Lois.

271
00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:27,182
I will, Peter.

272
00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:37,276
I don't feel anything!

273
00:13:37,359 --> 00:13:40,445
Now she knows how I felt
when I was at her piano recital.

274
00:13:40,529 --> 00:13:41,989
(both laughing)

275
00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:43,699
No, you're doing fine, Meg.

276
00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,952
Oh, Stewie,
you're all right!

277
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,912
Oh, thank God you guys are--

278
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,289
Ew, you're covered in slime.

279
00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:53,417
Ugh! This must be how
Tom Arnold felt on his wedding night.

280
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,626
(Meg screaming)

281
00:13:55,961 --> 00:13:58,172
Holy crap!
Let's get out of here.

282
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:02,134
Wait a minute.
Where's Meg?

283
00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:03,468
I don't know.
I didn't see her.

284
00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:05,596
Yeah, I kind of thought
you guys would attend to that.

285
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,973
-Peter, you got to go back and get her.
-Oh, yeah, right.

286
00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:09,766
-Like I'm going back for Meg.
-Peter!

287
00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:11,476
Lois, damn it,
we both agreed, remember?

288
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,478
If we could only
save two, we leave Meg.

289
00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:15,063
I know, but...
You bastard!

290
00:14:15,147 --> 00:14:16,940
How could you
leave me in there?

291
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:19,359
She's... Okay, see?
It resolved itself.

292
00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,488
Oh, I forgot one thing.

293
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:37,169
A bit of breaking news.

294
00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:39,880
A local family is forced
out of their home by ghosts.

295
00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:41,423
Who are they gonna call?

296
00:14:41,507 --> 00:14:42,716
Ghostbusters, Tom?

297
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:44,843
No, Diane,
their insurance company.

298
00:14:44,927 --> 00:14:46,512
That's just stupid
what you said.

299
00:14:46,595 --> 00:14:50,140
And now back to Disney's
Too Many Ostriches starring Don Knotts.

300
00:14:50,224 --> 00:14:53,185
There's way too
many ostriches.

301
00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:56,355
Why are there so
many ostriches?

302
00:14:56,438 --> 00:15:00,192
The brochure said
there'd only be a few ostriches.

303
00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:02,945
This is a terrible vacation!

304
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,157
So, what was it like
on the other side?

305
00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:08,700
Well, I met Jesus up there.

306
00:15:08,784 --> 00:15:09,785
Wow, what's he like?

307
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:11,620
Uh, believe it or not,
he's Chinese.

308
00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:13,830
Really?
Yup, Jesus is Chinese.

309
00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:17,125
In fact,
his last name is Hong. Jesus Hong.

310
00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:19,545
Says he has no idea
where people are getting Christ.

311
00:15:19,628 --> 00:15:22,673
Quagmire, you got to help us.
We pissed off a bunch of ghosts,

312
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:25,342
and now our house is gone
and we got no place to stay.

313
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,010
Uh, Peter,
this is not the best time.

314
00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:28,720
WOMAN: Glenn, are you coming?

315
00:15:28,804 --> 00:15:30,180
Yeah, honey,
I'll be right there.

316
00:15:30,264 --> 00:15:32,224
(mimicking baby crying)
I'll be right there.

317
00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:33,559
Peter,
I'm really slammed right now.

318
00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:34,643
Can you give me
the short version?

319
00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:37,771
Uh, what's, uh...
What's going on in there?

320
00:15:37,855 --> 00:15:39,022
Nothing.

321
00:15:40,732 --> 00:15:42,234
(donkey braying)

322
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:44,278
So, uh, as you can see,
my family's here.

323
00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:46,905
And, uh it's--it's game night.

324
00:15:46,989 --> 00:15:50,075
We're playing... sex.

325
00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:56,790
Ugh, a soup kitchen, Dad?

326
00:15:56,874 --> 00:15:58,750
Isn't there any
other place we can go?

327
00:15:58,834 --> 00:15:59,918
We're homeless, Meg.

328
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:01,503
This is where
homeless people go.

329
00:16:01,587 --> 00:16:03,589
Well, it'll just be good
to get some food in us.

330
00:16:03,672 --> 00:16:05,799
Hi, welcome to
the soup kitchen.

331
00:16:05,883 --> 00:16:07,217
I'll just start you
off with this basket

332
00:16:07,301 --> 00:16:09,344
of pizza crusts
and apple cores.

333
00:16:09,428 --> 00:16:11,555
Oh, and we do have
one special today.

334
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:15,017
It's an avocado pit
with a little bit of avocado still on it,

335
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:17,561
and that comes
on a ripped pair of boxer shorts.

336
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,188
Now,
I'm trying to decide between

337
00:16:19,271 --> 00:16:21,190
the tossed spaghetti
on a newspaper

338
00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:23,692
and the half yogurt
with the balled-up tissue in it.

339
00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:30,490
Hi, there. Do you have any books
on how to get rid of ghosts?

340
00:16:30,574 --> 00:16:33,785
Have you tried telling them
you're ready for a commitment?

341
00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:35,204
(laughing)

342
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:38,832
Oh, like a relationship.

343
00:16:38,916 --> 00:16:39,917
Exactly.

344
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,044
That'll send
them running, huh?

345
00:16:42,878 --> 00:16:45,464
(laughing) I like her.

346
00:16:47,216 --> 00:16:48,217
Oh.

347
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:50,344
Here you go.
Maybe this'll help.

348
00:16:53,472 --> 00:16:54,640
All right, here it is.

349
00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:58,727
"To vanquish poltergeists,
one must restore all disturbed remains

350
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:00,479
to their
original resting places."

351
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:03,982
So all we got to do is
bring the skull back home and bury it.

352
00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:05,317
What are you doing?

353
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,528
You said you
were using the skull as an athletic cup.

354
00:17:07,611 --> 00:17:10,489
I was, but don't you remember,
I threw it in the garbage?

355
00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:11,740
Oh.

356
00:17:11,823 --> 00:17:14,201
-So, you're not wearing it now?
-No.

357
00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:16,411
That's, uh, pretty much
just me you're grabbing.

358
00:17:16,495 --> 00:17:19,706
That's how my old scoutmaster
shakes hands.

359
00:17:23,502 --> 00:17:25,212
(moaning)

360
00:17:28,924 --> 00:17:30,300
Ew! That is vile.

361
00:17:30,384 --> 00:17:33,178
I know. I hate myself,
but it's so good.

362
00:17:33,262 --> 00:17:35,013
(moaning)

363
00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:36,515
Can I help you
folks find something?

364
00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:37,599
No, we're just browsing.

365
00:17:37,683 --> 00:17:39,643
God, I hate it
when they pester you like that.

366
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,603
Peter! Yes, we need help.

367
00:17:41,687 --> 00:17:44,565
We're looking for a skull
that my husband threw away.

368
00:17:44,648 --> 00:17:47,442
A skull, huh?
Then you want the human remains bin.

369
00:17:47,526 --> 00:17:49,820
But I should warn you folks,
we're pretty cleaned out right now,

370
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:53,031
'cause Carrot Top comes by every morning
to rummage for new props.

371
00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:56,368
Well, then we'll just have to pay
this Carrot Top a visit.

372
00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:57,828
He's funny.

373
00:17:57,911 --> 00:17:59,496
Except for that
one show he did

374
00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:02,040
in Ohio after
the airline lost his luggage.

375
00:18:02,124 --> 00:18:05,043
MALE ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen, Carrot Top!

376
00:18:05,127 --> 00:18:07,212
All right, you guys
look like a good crowd.

377
00:18:07,296 --> 00:18:09,464
I hope it goes well,
'cause I don't have my prop trunk.

378
00:18:09,548 --> 00:18:11,758
I normally have,
like, a--a case with all my little props

379
00:18:11,842 --> 00:18:13,093
and gadgets
and whatnot,

380
00:18:13,177 --> 00:18:14,511
but, it's okay,
you can use your imagination,

381
00:18:14,595 --> 00:18:16,763
like maybe a piece of luggage
that shoots dog biscuits.

382
00:18:16,847 --> 00:18:19,266
So, like, if you had, like, weed
in your bag and you went to the airport,

383
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:20,851
you could shoot
the dog biscuits out,

384
00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:21,935
and then
the drug dog would be...

385
00:18:22,019 --> 00:18:23,270
Would go away from your bags.

386
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,105
Kind of if you can
imagine the dog...

387
00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:26,940
(mimicking dog barking)
and then, the dog...

388
00:18:27,024 --> 00:18:29,443
Man, it's a lot
funnier if I had my prop.

389
00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:35,490
LOIS: Well, there it is.
Carrot Top Manor.

390
00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:44,458
So, you having a good time there,
Chief Diamond Phillips?

391
00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:46,418
Oh, that's funny.
He came up with the same thing that--

392
00:18:46,502 --> 00:18:48,962
All right, Carrot Top,
I want that skull.

393
00:18:49,046 --> 00:18:50,214
Who the hell are you?

394
00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:52,758
I'm Peter Griffin,
and that skull belongs to me.

395
00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:55,469
Well, it's hardly just
a skull, Mr. Griffin.

396
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:57,888
I put it on my head,
and it's a skullcap!

397
00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:59,014
(laughing) It's a...

398
00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:01,642
Put it with David Duchovny,
and it's Agent Scully.

399
00:19:01,725 --> 00:19:05,145
You got to appreciate that--
Hey, don't distract me.

400
00:19:05,229 --> 00:19:07,314
Now, hand it over, Mr. Top.

401
00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:09,274
Very well, Mr. Griffin,
I'll give you the skull,

402
00:19:09,358 --> 00:19:10,859
but you have to
catch me first!

403
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:18,492
Looks like you found me,
Mr. Griffin.

404
00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:21,245
But which one of us is
the real king of prop comedy

405
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:23,247
and not just
an illusion, huh?

406
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:25,249
That's right, Mr. Griffin.

407
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:27,000
Just a little further.

408
00:19:27,084 --> 00:19:28,293
(screams)

409
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,005
(chortles)

410
00:19:32,089 --> 00:19:33,590
Sucker.

411
00:19:34,258 --> 00:19:35,259
What the hell?

412
00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:36,969
How'd you get
through the trap door?

413
00:19:37,052 --> 00:19:38,804
I found this saw
with glasses on it.

414
00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:40,472
Oh, that's my see-saw.

415
00:19:41,265 --> 00:19:43,100
(laughing)

416
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:46,186
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

417
00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:48,856
You are so (bleep) funny!

418
00:19:48,939 --> 00:19:50,315
You are so...

419
00:19:50,399 --> 00:19:53,026
(bleep) you
for being so funny!

420
00:19:53,110 --> 00:19:56,280
Oh, my God!
Oh, oh, God. You know what?

421
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:57,531
Here, here, just,
you know what?

422
00:19:57,614 --> 00:19:59,992
Keep it, keep it.
You deserve it.

423
00:20:00,075 --> 00:20:02,035
Just take it.

424
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:03,954
No, no, I need it.
I need it.

425
00:20:05,956 --> 00:20:09,710
Well, Chief, time for you to go back
where you came from.

426
00:20:18,135 --> 00:20:20,012
Peter, you did it.

427
00:20:26,101 --> 00:20:27,644
What the hell?

428
00:20:32,983 --> 00:20:35,068
Oh, Peter,
I'm so proud of you.

429
00:20:35,152 --> 00:20:38,197
Once again you brought our family
to the edge of the abyss,

430
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,782
and at the very last minute,
you saved us all.

431
00:20:40,866 --> 00:20:42,034
I love you, honey.

432
00:20:42,117 --> 00:20:43,952
And I've grown
fond of you, Lois.

433
00:20:44,036 --> 00:20:45,746
Let's go home.

434
00:21:05,516 --> 00:21:07,726
(gentle theme playing)